Hello everyone.

I am back, from what literally feels like the dead.

It has been quite a while since the death of my old web site, and if you are hailing this as one of my long time readers, please do not mention the website by name in any comments visible to the public. I'd rather not have someone type it into a websearch and find me here. I don't want to die again, at least not anytime soon.

I didn't feel like writing for a longtime. I don't even remember how many months it has been since the eulogy was published and the archives deleted. Even though I shed real tears that day (again with the dramatics) I actually heaved a huge sigh of relief as well. There is only so much bleeding, gut wrenching, brutal honesty one can stand. I think I had my fill.

As we all know, and some actually said -- I cannot stay away. Inside me lives a need to write, a need that has resurfaced.

I want to catch everyone up to speed, but then I keep remembering that I have probably lost the majority of my readers because only a select few were a part of the notification list. I will link to it again for those of you that want to be told when I write. For the moment it may be everyday since the business that was once my life has now dwindled to halt.

Around 9 months ago I woke up to an all-consuming, unrelenting pain in my right shoulder/arm that went on for around 3 days as I was taken to and from the doctor's office and the emergency room (twice) to try to figure out what the hell was wrong with me and for them to finally give me the strong stuff (oxycodone) because none of that codeine crap was working. In the end we figured out that 1. The pain had begun at work and was a cause of the repetitive incorrect use of the mouse and the alignment desk/height ratio and 2. It was not going away. After work-cover approved my claim and I had an MRI done I was told that the problem was being caused by a disc in my neck that through wear and strain was bulging outside of my spine. I began taking pain pills and anti-inflammatory drugs on a daily basis and was off work for rather short time considering the damage that was done. In retrospect I should have taken off a much longer time. I went back to work and was referred to a spinal surgeon who had a waiting list for the appointment. Work was ok as I was assessed and given the right workstation height and began using my left hand for the mouse. My work actually got better and the speed at which I perform my job increased because I no longer wrote anything down but incorporated notified (I work on the phone constantly in a financial service).

To make this rather long story shorter, the bulge did not heal on its own and go back inside like a good little disc. No it did not. I spent the last 6 months in vain hope that it would. The surgeon I began to see was not pro-surgery in my case at first. Because I was working and otherwise performing my daily functions with a minimum amount of pain he thought we would give it a chance to heal itself because apparently it does happen. I even went on a holiday to America (which was brilliant) and spent the better of 4 weeks jaunting around in various transportation devices which in effect caused me a great deal of new pain.

I returned a little worse for wear and had a new MRI scan done to see if I had indeed improved or worsened. Because I had an appointment the same day as the scan (god forbid I miss too much work and get paid for not being there!) it was necessary for me to wait for the scan to take with me. I was told this would take approximately 1 hour. We were waiting for nearly 3. You can imagine my total dismay as I was told that the scan had to be re-viewed and various other excuses as to why they couldn't produce them into my hot little hands. It was getting very close to my appointment and mr. ralph and I were meant to walk there. We were inpatient to say the least. Finally after being told that the tech actually had spoken to my doctor (which lit up all kinds of red lights in my head) we were given the scan and we were off. We walked very fast and were only a few minutes late in the end but I had to wait another 45 minutes to see my doctor.

You see he was in anguish about what to do, I could see the look of concern on his face before he began to speak. He told me that my symptoms alone did not warrant the need for surgery, but the compression on my spine was very worrying. His words were exactly this, "If you were my daughter or my wife I would tell you to have this surgery." He basically sold me on it with that. I have to tell you that surgery was not what I wanted to hear. The first guy I saw recommended straight off the bat. He was practically waving a knife at my neck and it frightened me. Then he referred me to this new guy. And I liked him. He was nice and calm and told me he didn't think I required surgery. He gave me hope. My hope failed me, my neck failed me, I was distraught.
I left the office with tears welling up in my eyes and was given hospital admission forms to fill out in the event that I choose to have the surgery. I walked in a daze out to the car to meet mr. ralph and told him the bad news. We decided later that night that I would do it. The doctor practically told me I was a walking time-bomb that could be paralyzed any day just from a bump or a jolt. The increased pain brought on by my holiday also gave me some incentive.

So I had the surgery. I have been home for almost 6 days. The surgery was on the 27th and the doctor said it went well. Although I do not regret doing it, I have to say that the pain was more than I expected. I would have been happy had I been more prepared for the pain. I may sound like a baby but it hurt so damn bad. I am still recovering, the first phase of recovery is 6 weeks and I still have lingering nerve pain and a lot of pain in the head/neck/back area. I have to wear a god-awful brace when I walk or leave the house. People stare. There is nothing worse than walking around and seeing people stare at you and forget that you can see them staring, laughing, pointing. I mean come on people! I actually miss work now because I have friends there. Yes, I actually made friends! I know!

I think I have written enough. I have a tendency to go on and on and I need to rest these arms now. I know I will write more soon. I don't have a lot to do.